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Kristie’s New Job – Part II

Kristie is taking a temporary break from personal training until April ’09 when she graduates because she was offered (and accepted) an assistant coach position for the BYU cheer squad. She’ll be great at it, as she is with everything she sets her mind to.

The job certainly has its perks, which makes the transition a little easier. Kristie really struggled with having to give up her clients…they were doing so well and making terrific progress.

Things to love about this job:

  • Instead of having to get up at 5:40 every day for training sessions, Kristie only has to get up at 6:15 twice a week for practice.
  • (Which also means we won’t have to mimic the sleep patterns of your typical great-great-grandmother.)
  • Its within walking distance from our apartment, so Tom can drive the Ford Escort (at an impressive 33 mpg!) instead of driving the Toyota Landcruiser, which might single-handedly be responsible for Earth’s global warming epidemic.
  • Free stuff.
  • Oh, and the opportunity to share wisdom and experience, teach and shape the character of the wonderful girls, etc, etc.
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Kristie’s New Job: Personal Trainer!

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This week Kristie fulfilled her goal of becoming a personal trainer! I’m so proud of her, she’s perfect for the job. She’s passionate about fitness, passionate about health, and passionate about sharing it with others.

Every one else that works at this private gym is nationally certified, and even though Kristie doesn’t certify till next semester, they took one look at her (credentials?) and gave her the job. She already has four clients with more on the way.

This also means her good intentions will be projected on someone else besides me! (Just kidding)

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Prank-tastic

Ever since elementary school I’ve loved this day. It’s like a sanctioned celebration of rampant immaturity.

From Kool-Aid powder in the shower head, to toothpaste on the white toilet seats at school, to exchanging the sugar and salt containers–I tried it all. I was that annoying kid you wanted to strangle, at least every 1st of April. So this year I decided to get back to my roots and cook up a good prank. The target? My awesome, forgiving boss, Jen Wily. Here’s a little back story and how it went down:

So at work we’ve all signed a strict non-compete that bars us from participating in any business that would compete with or undermine the efforts of Vizad Inc., the internet marketing/search engine optimization company we work for. Now it’s important to note that this is a particularly touchy subject with Jen, and she takes it very seriously. From her perspective, any breach of contract is, understandably, a serious breach of trust.

So my brain starts churning last night and pretty soon I’ve concocted a brilliant prank…one that would probably get me fired (at least temporarily) if it failed to deliver the punch line.

So I began by heading over to tommcconnon.com, a blog that I started back in July ’07 and had every intention of developing, but never got around to it. There I added a link on the sidebar that read “Freelance SEO services.” (SEO stands for Search Engine Optimization, which is what I’m paid to do for our clients at work.)

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Then I created a new page on the domain that made it look like I was selling SEO services as a freelancer on the side. To Jen, this would be seen as a blatant, dishonest breach of contract and if true, would certainly be grounds for termination. I added a list of fake “current clients,” and even went so far as to include a former Vizad client (whom I’ve since removed for privacy’s-sake) as a current client of this freelance business.

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The only live link on that page was a call to “see more” of my supposed clients. If clicked, it would take you to the all-important, “you got punked” April Fools message. Lots of attention to detail, lots and lots of fun.

So the process was designed to take Jen through the anticipated stages of disbelief, denial, anger, full-blown frothing hatred and then blam!…relief (mixed with some of that lingering hatred). All I needed was someone to tip her off to it, and luckily her husband Preston was game.

So I heard later that he got up first this morning and brought a laptop over to her as she was just waking up. He was all: “man, you’d better see this…look at what I just found” and handed her the computer. So Preston (that lucky duck) got to sit there and watch as she clicked through the link, read the freelance SEO page and saw the client list, with mounting confusion and rage at every step. She told me later that when she clicked the “see more” link and saw she’d been fooled Preston almost died laughing. Man, I wish I could have been there.

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The Road to Nowhere

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On Tuesday, my co-worker Robert and I hopped a plane to Phoenix en route to the Greer Lodge Resort in northern Arizona to meet with a client. Here’s a list of the Top 3 noteworthy things I experienced while in Phoenix:

  1. In-N-Out.
  2. Saguaro cactus. Lots.
  3. An aggravated assault staged on the vehicle directly behind me at a traffic light in broad daylight, downtown.

So we’re just chillin’ in our rental car behind a vehicle at a stop light. Car number one is just idling behind us when car number two pulls up beside it. Guy from car number two jumps out from behind the wheel, runs over to the front of car number one, and proceeds to bash in the windshield with the butt-end of a knife. He then runs over to the drivers side of car number one, rips open the door and tries to drag the dude out on to the pavement. I think he would have stabbed him had the driver of car number one not thrown his car into reverse, thereby knocking the assailant onto the asphalt with very door he’d just pried open. Car number one then roars about 50-yards in reverse (on a two-lane highway) while the assailant jumps back into car number two to follow suit. Instead of chasing all the way in reverse however, driver number two slams on the brakes, jerks the wheel around and spins 180-degrees to start driving, against traffic, towards car number one. All of this was happening, mind you, while we were waiting dumbstruck at the light. Car number one then puts it in gear and roars back toward us, barely avoiding getting clipped by car number two. Just then the light turned green, so I put the pedal to the metal in our Pontiac G6 and shifted lanes in time to steer clear of the ensuing chase. We never saw how the whole thing ended, but I’m sure it’s the kind of thing that would escalate, especially if it wasn’t resolved that day. I’m just glad we didn’t get ourselves mixed up in it.

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After departing Phoenix we drove through a series of small Arizona towns, up through the white mountains, to Highway 373, lovingly dubbed “The Road to Nowhere.” It’s called that because the highway is approximately 5 miles long and connects with absolutely nothing. It just turns into a forest. It is here that Doug Sandahl of the Greer Lodge Resort has created his unique brand of luxury cabins nestled in the heart of the Arizona wilderness. It’s geared towards people who love the outdoors, but don’t want to to experience them in a leaky pup tent or a run-down cabin. His lodges and B&B feel like a wilderness-themed Ritz Carlton that’s 4 hours off the beaten path.

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But after all is said and done, it’s the little details that make each room a masterpiece…the 350-thread-count Egyptian cotton sheets, the king size mattress, the Bose soundsystem, the hand selected books and music, the couple’s spa and walk in shower. All of it with a rustic log cabin feel that blends in perfectly with its environment. [Whoa, sorry, I think I just unintentionally wrote the opening paragraph their next promotional pamphlet.] Anyways, Robert and I were treated to the full “Greer Lodge experience,” which made for an excellent environment to conduct business and enjoy a two-day excursion. Here’s a picture of Robert, me, Juliana (Doug’s assistant) and Doug.

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The only thing that could have improved our stay was if I’d been able to have Kristie there with me. Maybe we can slip away for a night at their B&B one of these days…here’s hoping.